dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
