I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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