I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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