in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
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