i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
