i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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