wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
