I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
