My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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