Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
