Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
