Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
