Jerry, you need to find god
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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