; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
