What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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