I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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