When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
