why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
