Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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