well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
