It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
