I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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