So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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