That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
