You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
