actually, I'm a sock model
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
