Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize