she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
