Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Can I color on your dick again?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
