I want to have your abortion
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
