i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
