I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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