paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
BRING THE BAGELS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
