I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize