I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
