Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
