The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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