There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
