Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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