Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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