I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
