...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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