One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize