They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize