i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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