There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
