Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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