the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
