just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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