I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
