no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
