that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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