I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
