I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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