im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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