where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize