sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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