just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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