What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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