why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
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