THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
