It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
