It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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