took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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