VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
