either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
