I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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