i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
