My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
